It was something I said out loud during a WOD this afternoon. It was a metcon. We were doing 5 rounds of 3-minute Cindy AMRAPs with a minute rest following each 3-minute interval. My body ached and I was mostly angry at myself, because, a workout like this should not have hurt the way it was.
“Never again,” I said. “That’s the last time I take off a month from working out.”
Granted, I’d been sick with the plague for the last two weeks, but the holidays were barely an excuse for not going to the gym for the other two or three. Certainly not an excuse for partaking in the winter indulgences without paying with my regular sweat.
I know all too well what it’s like to leave and come back, as it’s happened just a few times before this: You get back to the gym. That first WOD feels okay, but everything is heavy. Then the next day comes and you can barely walk, but you power through another WOD. Then you’re practically paralyzed for the next week. No joke. It’s easy to quit then, but you don’t. You keep on going because you know it’s like going through withdrawal or maybe even going through reentry. It burns and burns and burns until it doesn’t anymore, and you can focus on being strong again and not hurting. You do it because in the end (and I mean in the end-end, when you’re old and gray, and most people are using wheelchairs or whatever), you don’t want to feel pain every time you sit down and stand up. That’s why we do it.
Never again am I going to question that mode of prevention.
Never again am I going to doubt my ability to fall back into bad habits quickly.
Though, never again am I going to doubt my ability to pick myself up when it does happen.
Never again am I going to apologize for my weaknesses. Because they’re my sucks and it’s part of my journey.
And though it’d be lovely to say that I’d never say never again, that’s a little lofty of a goal, but I can say that I will never forget what it feels like right now, in my very skin, and that I never want to feel this sore after exercising again.
So I guess I’ll go again tomorrow.