Wooo!!! Lychee martini at Basil.

This is why I’m not allowed to eat gluten.

Wooo!!! Lychee martini at Basil.
Wooo!!! Lychee martini at Basil.

So I’m in Charlotte, North Carolina. It’s my last night at a conference on pragmatics, and I’m about to go to sleep.

And I feel like shit.

This is what I feel like:


Yup. Like that. Without makeup (you’re welcome), sleepy, and icky.

You see. I’m only human. I might have a really cool blog about fitness and health, but I’m still human, and I do stupid, stupid things sometimes, and that’s just the way it is.

When I travel, I always have the best of intentions. Like, this Charlotte trip? I packed with me oatmeal, jerky, nuts, and some protein bars. And I’ve taken advantage of them, definitely.

I’ve even gone out of my way to make sure that the conference I’m at gave me some gluten-free options. As in, the lunches they provided have consisted of the following: a sandwich that is mostly hoagie, pasta salad, two cookies, soda, and…wait for it…an apple. Yikes, dude! So I found the caterer, and I’m like, “I have a gluten allergy…what can you do?”

This really freaked him out, but he returned with a salad that had chicken, strawberries, and almonds. Granted, the lettuce was kind of brown, but it was far better than what the rest of the people had to eat.

A note: I do not actually have Celiac’s. But, it’s easier to tell people that you’re allergic to gluten than to say that you avoid it or are doing Paleo, or that you have a sensitivity to it. So I just went with it. Even to the point where I signed up for the conference dinner, told them I had a gluten allergy, and then didn’t go because they wouldn’t accommodate it. They also wouldn’t refund my money, but that’s another story.

But for this trip, I was just going to go with it. Because I could. And I should.

But then, obviously, life got in the way. And my weird quirks got in the way.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, but I’m not much of an emotional eater. What I do do, though, is eat when (a) I’m bored, and (b) I’m tired. And I’ve been quite tired for much of this trip.

So the downward spiral happened Friday afternoon, when, being very tired and coffee-deprived, I decided it would be a good idea to have a red velvet cupcake. It was delicious, and I would much rather eat that again than a cheap conference hoagie. But I started not feeling so well after that. And then later, a salad at a Mexican restaurant, washed down with a margarita and a bunch of chips (glutenless, but not without its own drawbacks). And then Saturday, some macarons, a blondie at lunch, and Thai at dinner.

Relatively low on gluten (although it was definitely there), but high on sugar and other grains (Thai relies heavily on the starches from rice).

Pineapple mojito. Yes.
Pineapple mojito. Yes.

And I’m realizing I’m not meant to eat this way.

Not just because it’s not healthy, but because it’s making me feel like crap. I’m bloated and full and sluggish, among other myriad nasties that I don’t want to talk about. I’m realizing that even if I’m not allergic to gluten, my body is not meant to handle this kind of food. Processed, sweet, fatty and starchy…there’s a reason I used to be obese, and there’s a reason I don’t eat like this anymore.

I’m looking forward to getting back to my whole-foods routine, and I am NOT looking forward to seeing the scale when I get home. Yowza.

Deniz's pre-dinner food coma.
Deniz’s pre-dinner food coma.

But, I do have to say…in weighing the things on this trip that were or were not worth it, the things I did get gross on…well…it was better than the empty, tasteless stuff offered by the conference, so I feel marginally better about my decision there.

However, next time I decide it’s okay to eat meal after meal of junk…I hope I remember this, and I remember why I’m not allowed to eat gluten.


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Exuberant photographer, artist, writer, designer, wannabe chef, and Crossfitter.

5 thoughts on “This is why I’m not allowed to eat gluten.”

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