Me and my hu$tlin' girl Carissa at the Strongman competition.

Inspirational, motivational, me

Me and my hu$tlin' girl Carissa at the Strongman competition.
Me and my hu$tlin' girl Carissa at the Strongman competition.

Ever since people started to actually notice that I’ve lost weight—err, am losing weight—I’ve been told over and over and over again that I’m inspirational. That I’m motivational.

One of my friends at school decided to start Weight Watchers just because she saw how I’ve changed over the last year.

Someone who has lost more than me is telling me that I’m their motivation now.

Other people tell me that I’ve inspired them to compete or to try something new at Crossfit.

I have to be honest: It’s really weird to me, and I don’t think it’s going to get any easier. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m very, very honored to be inspiring to others, but how would you feel if you’ve lived your entire life in mediocrity (I mean, I have my wit, my brains, and my creativity, but you know what I mean), and all of a sudden, everyone seems to think that you are the cat’s meow (I mean…I am totally, but for other people to be so vocal about it!) and that you are their motivation and inspiration.

It’s just…strange.

But the reason it’s strange for me is because I don’t view myself as inspiring—like I don’t deserve to be someone’s inspiration. (Not to mention that for me, coming from a few years working with fashion bloggers…inspiration usually involves lookbooks. Me in one of those? Who are we kidding now?!)

Because…when I think about who inspires me, it’s people who are way beyond my skill level right now. I look up to the coaches (I’m generally always in shock and awe whenever I see Kevin lift heavy shit, Kia bust out muscle-ups, Viv swing some crazy-ass kettlebell, or Kim do countless toes-to-bar and then start dancing). I look up to the competitors. I look up to the people who bust out WODs at Rx and have kipping pull-ups (Karrah, I’m looking at you!).

I’m not any of those things. I’m not a firebreather. I can’t run long distances. I scale almost everything. Who am I compared to these badasses? I’m just some chick who lost a few pounds.

Okay. Part of me knows it’s maybe a little more than that, but, you should know that I didn’t start out here with the intention of being the person that people look up to. Especially in the fitness arena.

I did, however, decide to write publicly about my journey because I think that many people can relate to it on some level. This makes me happy. It makes me happy if you can relate to what I’m feeling. It makes me happy to know that you’re supporting me from afar. It makes me happy that you care!

So, I guess what I’m trying to say, very ineloquently, is thank you for letting me inspire you. Because, you know what? It motivates me to keep on doing what I’m doing. (How about a little symbiosis here?!) I will probably never understand it completely, but…thank you. I am very touched.


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Exuberant photographer, artist, writer, designer, wannabe chef, and Crossfitter.

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