Conflicting feelings


Wanna see a heinous face? Just watch me PR a 3RM deadlift.
Wanna see a heinous face? Just watch me PR a 3RM deadlift.

I want to know: If I PR’d, why do I still feel down?


Tuesday’s WOD was all about strength, which are honestly some of my very favorite workouts. I almost always leave feeling SUPER empowered, and in awe of the strength of my “classmates” (wodmates?). But for some reason, Tuesday really got me down. My legs and shoulders were on fire from Monday’s 20-minute AMRAP, and the dynamic warmup didn’t help. Then there was the part where we were supposed to be back squatting our bodyweight.

I had actually been looking forward for a while to a back-squat redo. Last time we found our one-rep max, I felt like I went heavy, but not heavy enough. And this was a while ago, and so I felt like I could really push myself Tuesday—that if I couldn’t get 75%, I could at least get 50%.

I couldn’t even get 50%. From the moment my shoulders touched the bar, I knew something was up. And I maxed out at seven reps of 95#.

See, normally, I would be over the moon about this. I get high on PRs, and this was definitely a PR (although, strangely enough, I am able to front squat more than I can back squat…strange). A few months ago, my one-rep max was 90#, and Tuesday I did SEVEN reps of 95# (which, then, would mean that my one-rep is now theoretically around 115#). Really, I should feel pretty freaking awesome about this. But I don’t.

I finished, and I didn’t feel strong. I felt like my ass was kicked by the bar. And now I’m all stiff and sore.

Why is this? Why am I not feeling ridiculously elated that I hit a major PR?

I think part of it was the bodyweight requirement. I really, really wanted to kick some serious ass with this one. My deadlifts feel strong (and are by far my best weight to body-weight ratio lift), my front squats are getting stronger, my snatches aren’t horrible. I’m thinking the best I can do is continue with good nutrition and persevering on the WODs.

What do you do when you’ve done great but still feel like you didn’t perform your best?


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Exuberant photographer, artist, writer, designer, wannabe chef, and Crossfitter.

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